As I sit in this flight back to LA from Vancouver, I have a huge grin on my heart. Yes, that’s right, I said my heart. This trip has been the greatest trip I’ve ever took. Everything is in the right place now. I feel very happy, joyful, ecstatic, and whatever other adjectives that can describe the state of euphoria. They say life is full of obstacles, and I feel that we have just crossed and passed one of the biggest obstacles. Not saying everything will be perfect, but it feels like it will be smooth sailing from now. I will continue to fight for him, for us. Nobody’s perfect, but he is perfect for me
Sometimes, I feel so alone, deep inside. Feels like the connection is breaking slowly. Yet I’m still trying to hold on what may never be there. Dreams have turn to nightmares, I wonder when will the end come. The feeling of this emptiness inside, is draining all of me. I feel nothing, but an unknown strong emotion that I cannot describe, cannot release. Because it won’t release.
I search for an answer, but only to find more questions. Where should I go? What should I do? Is this my destiny? Is this the fate that I am cursed with? Will there be a day when I can see the light in this dark tunnel? To break free of this anguish?
I want to cry, but no tears will fall. I want to run, but my knees are weak. I want to scream, but my voice is silent.
Will this ever end for me?
It’s almost been a week since boyfriend left for Vancouver, the reality is slowly sinking in. I can’t see him when I come home from work, cuddle with him when we’re watching TV, hear and see his smile. I have to keep myself occupied in order to not get sad. They say loneliness is good for the soul, but I would rather be with him.